The time has come to correct an imbalance in the law. An injustice, if you will. For far too long, something that ranges from benign to beneficial has been vilified, while a true scourge is tolerated.
Can we condone the cockroach continuing its corrupt crepuscular conniving? May we mandate more mistreatment of mellow marijuana mavens?
No! We must no longer punish tokers atwitter, while giving a pass to vermin that skitter! It is long past time for us to declare our vision for a new, more just society: Roaches, not roaches!!
Marijuana was first criminalized in 800 AD by Charlemagne, who strove to outlaw all intoxicating substances besides sacramental wine. In the New World, marijuana was a casualty of efforts to supplant native religions, some of which used the drug ritually, as these religions didn't have tithing or collection plates, thus they were deemed hostile to free market philosophy.
The history of cockroaches is long and sordid. A low point was reached in the European middle ages, when the creatures spread the black death from town to town (formerly thought to be the work of fleas and rats). Cockroaches also conducted a successful whisper campaign with sleeping physicists, which resulted in the development of the atomic bomb, a weapon that would select for cockroaches to become Earth's dominant species. Their negative effect on human history cannot be understated.
The Facts Today
Facts and statistics about marijuana*:*Information provided by members of REGLAR (Repeal Earth's Gross Laws Against Reefer)
- Regular marijuana smoking has been found to cure cancer.
- 4 out of 5 users report becoming better people after use.
- Marijuana brownies promote digestive regularity.
- The marijuana industry provides 500,000 new agricultural, transportation, and sales jobs per year.
Facts and statistics about cockroaches**:
**Information pulled from MyEAR (the Everything and Anything Reference)
- A cockroach crawls in a human's ear every 10 seconds.
- Cockroaches secrete a carcinogenic poison.
- The insects are thought to be of extraterrestrial origin.
- 4 out of 5 entymologists recommend fleeing in terror at the sight of roaches.
- Cockroaches can't crawl under your skin, as they do in some movies, but they do like to lay eggs in human navels, and can leave tapeworms in your food.
- Contact your Congresspeople and demand that they vote for the "Decriminalize and Allow Marijuana Now" Act and the "Funding and Upholding Cockroach Killing" Act.
- Also demand they place tariffs on weed imports to protect American growers, and begin the active deportation of cockroaches.
- Spread the word: tell your friends that we all need RnR (Roaches, not Roaches).
- Stamp out the bugs in your own neighborhood, and support your local cannabis entrepreneur.